Teaching Kids About Inclusion
In order to teach our kids about inclusivity, we first have to ask ourselves a few questions:
Do we really know what inclusion is?
What does inclusion mean to us? What role does it play in ours and our kids' lives?
For many years, inclusion was often about changing people to fit an unchanging situation. Like playdoh, we pushed neurodivergent and disabled people through a hard plastic mold so they would fit within patterns society predetermined for them.
Think back to all the movies and media you have consumed about disability. So often, the climax of the movie is about a triumphant moment–the paralyzed senior in a wheelchair standing up at the fifty yard line during the big game or a boy with down syndrome making a three point shot while his teammates and opponents stand by and watch.
This type of inclusion is not all bad. These moments can be very meaningful to the people involved, and sometimes can represent moments of personal triumph for people with disabilities. But something I will challenge you to consider is this: How much of these moments are forced from the outside? How much of them are made to gratify the wants and needs of the spectators? Does the boy with Down syndrome making the three point shot represent an individual being and feeling included in ways that are personally gratifying and meaningful to him? Maybe. Or maybe not. What might be a good method to include one person could be traumatic or alienating for another person. For example, a neurodivergent boy who prefers to be by himself and has special interests in technology and computers would likely be horrified to take a three point shot in front of the entire high school, even if doing it makes the rest of the school feel good for including him.
Not everyone wants to or needs to be included in the same way.
Instead of pushing people into inclusion, we should teach our children to create inclusive spaces that highlight people’s strengths and lean into their wants and needs. Perhaps, instead of taking the three point shot, the neurodivergent boy could contribute his unique talents and interests to the team by recording and editing their games or managing the website.
All of this is great, sure, but how do we put this into action? And beyond that, what are some tips for teaching this to our children?
Lead by Example
Oftentimes the best way to impart a lesson to our kids is not by telling them what to do but rather by modeling that behavior everyday. Even simple interactions like how you treat the elderly greeter at the grocery store will impact how your child views people.
Be Flexible and Adapt
In order to include as many people as we can, we need to create activities and spaces that are flexible enough to accommodate a wide variety of strengths and weaknesses.
Create an Inclusive Relationship with Your Children
Many kids idolize their parents and follow in their footsteps. However, as parents, we should pay close attention when our child’s goals or interests diverge from our own. When we respect our child’s unique qualities and do not try to funnel them into our own patterns of being, we show them how they can engage with and empower others to do the same.
Alleviate Fear of the Other
Don’t shy away from your child’s questions about people of other cultures, lifestyles, and ability levels. Lean into uncomfortable moments and treat them as learning opportunities.
Don’t Force It
Many well intentioned parents force their children to play with kids they see as “different” or “weird”. This appears to the child as an obligation, and now instead of seeing the “different” kid as someone they might be afraid of they will see playing with them as an uncomfortable chore. Instead of forcing the issue, bring your child into natural situations in which they will need to engage with people who are different than them and discover our shared humanity despite of difference.
Here’s an example:
Be Flexible and Adapt
Family Game Night: You’re playing Monopoly tonight with your three children aged 13, 11, and 8. The kids love playing games with each other, but somehow each time you have a game night it ends up with the 8 year old screaming and crying. She is neurodivergent and has a hard time attending to board games. When you add that to the age difference, the older kids beat her almost every time. There are several ways you could teach your kids to be flexible in this situation.
Your 8 year old could play as the banker. In this way, she still has a role vital to the game but one that might lean into her strengths and prevent a potential fight due to a mismatch in competition.
You could play a faster paced game that still interests the older children like Monopoly Go.
You could include sensory breaks as part of the game. For example, every time you pass GO you need to do 20 jumping jacks to receive your money or every time you buy a property you need to do 10 wall push ups.
You could play the game with altered rules, made up rules, or new rules that everyone agrees to. Sometimes, creating a game of your own with the Monopoly materials can be as fun and as gratifying as playing by the normal rules!
To creating inclusive spaces -
Drew Leathers, OTD, OTR/L
The Way to Grow Pediatric Therapy Team 🌟
About our featured writer:
Meet Drew - one of our fantastic occupational therapists! Drew first realized that he wanted to be an occupational therapist when he got his first job at a summer camp for people with special needs. He quickly fell in love with helping children learn how to play in different and exciting ways. He went on to receive his Doctorate of Occupational Therapy from St. Ambrose University, and later joined the Way to Grow team in February 2023. Drew is passionate about many activities including marathon running, hiking, reading, writing, and climbing. Fun fact: Drew did his Doctoral Capstone in Park City, Utah where he created an adaptive camping program and aided instructors in other programs including adaptive skiing, adaptive rock climbing, and adaptive mountain biking. What a blast!! Drew is truly gifted at seeing children for who they are, meeting them where they’re at, and enabling them to feel safe in their own interests. For Drew, there is no better feeling for him than making a child smile and laugh - and anyone who sees him around Way to Grow knows he does just that every day.
